Trust me
by Queen Alice XII
Summary: A prank goes wrong, and now James is forced to see the boy waste away before his eyes. -Selfharm-


lust-ler requested this of me, almost a year ago, and unfortunatly I've not been able to write it until now. You see I've been working all summer, recently started a new school, started my own company and very recently I've had several losses in the family.

I know, I know! Not good enough! A real artist create best in angst. And that is true. So here it is; Trust me.

Hopefully up to my normal (hopefully better) standard.

* * *

It was a cold autumn morning in Scotland. The wind had just swept away the last of the leaves from the trees and was now making its way into the dungeons of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where the 7th year Slytherins and Gryffindors had their first potions lesson of the week.

Even though everyone knew Slytherins and Gryffindors didn't mix, the headmaster still insisted on putting the two houses together in hope they would see past their differences. Poor Slughorn did all he could to keep the troublemakers apart, but for every new method he came up with they always seemed to find a way to cause this trouble. The current placement of the students had proved to be the most successful one; the troublemakers in the back and those who actually wanted to study in the front. Even though it wasn't a foolproof method it did make the students a bit calmer. Though there where exceptions. Like today.

He should have seen it coming, really, the students in the back had had been way to quiet this lesson. So it really wasn't a surprise when a Mr. Snape's cauldron exploded in front of him. Slughorn had his wand out and quickly banished the boiling liquid that had covered the boy's body, but even so his skin began to blister. Slughorn was by his side in a moment.

"We have to get you to the infirmary, my boy." He turned to the rest of the class. "Finish your potions and have a sample on my desk. I'll be back as soon as possible." He led the boy out of the classroom and towards the Grand Staircase. Once again he wondered why the classroom in which the most students got injured was the one located furthest away from the hospital wing.

Madame Pomfrey took care of him in only a few moments, and then ordered Mr. Snape to get some rest. Slughorn had stayed during the treatment and left only when he was certain the boy would be fine. It was now he let the irritation grab hold of him. He couldn't understand it. He had taught many classes, many years, but he had never encountered youths like these; youths who did everything they could to make someone else suffer as much as possible. Oh, yes; he had seen what had happened, and even if he hadn't he would have known. Severus Snape was the most brilliant potioneer he had had the fortune of teaching, ever, and he would never make such a simple potion wrong.

No, the source of the accident could be found much further in the back, with the so called Marauders.

Slughorn sighed. Four against one wasn't really fair. The Marauders, that is James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, were the popular ones, while Severus Snape, the shy intellect, had very few friends, and the ones he had were, in Slughorn opinion, not good for him. Slughorn had taken a habit of always having his wand close at hand during these lessons. But today he hadn't been fast enough.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he approached the classroom and saw four particular student exit said classroom. "

Mr. Black!" he called out. "May I have a word with you?"

The boys stopped laughing and turned to their professor. Black put on his most charming. smile. "Professor Slughorn! What can I do for you?" Slughorn frowned. "Don't act like you haven't done anything Mr. Black." Black's smile fathered slightly. "I may be getting older, but I'm not blind just yet." Now Black's smile completely disappeared. "Detention with me, tonight after dinner. Understood?"

"Yes, sir..." Black's shoulders fell and he got a sour look on his face. Slughorn nodded once before walking past them into the classroom. The boys followed him with their eyes until he closed the door behind him.

"Damn!" Black exclaimed.

"I told you it was a bad idea." Lupin said behind him.

"But we had plans for tonight!" 'Plans' being a more neutral word than 'pranks.'

"Well, you just have to cancel it," came Lupin's voice again.

A moment of silence followed his words, and then Black sighed. "I suppose you're right..."

When Lupin turned away he put one arm over Potter's shoulders and winked at him causing the other to try to suppress a smirk.

During dinner there was still no sign of Snape, which wasn't unusual but said the Marauders, to great joy, that he was still hurt. Lupin excused himself after a while, saying he was going to the library.

After he left, Black and Potter put their heads together. Pettigrew was nowhere to be found, so there was no chance of error this time.

"Right,'' Black started, "some complications has appeared, but I do believe we can still go through with it."

"How? If you're not in the dungeons in half an hour, Slughorn will hunt you down and drag you down himself."

"I know. That's why you'll have to do it on your own!"

"What?!" Potter looked at the other like he 'd grown an extra head.

"Yes!" Black's eyes shone, "We've done way too much planning to let this go to waste." Black kept going before the other could say anything. "Do you have the cloak?"

"Yes..."

"Great! Here's the password to the Slytherin common room." He slid a piece of parchment over the table.

"You keep amaze me." Potter said with a grin.

They went through the plan one more time before Black had to leave. They split up outside the Great Hall; Black went straight to the dungeons while Potter walked up to the Gryffindor tower to gather the last of the things he would need. He waited another hour to make sure there would be enough people in the Slytherin common room to see his deeds. He put on his invisibility cloak before leaving his room to make sure no one got in his way or saw where he was going. The halls had begun to empty of people, most rather going back to their dormitories than stay in the cold hallways.

Finding the entrance to the Slytherin common room was easy enough, since many of their pranks had taken place in there. Black always figured out the password. How, Potter had no idea, but he suspected it had something to do with Black's charm and some poor, unsuspecting, young girl of the Slytherin house. Potter chuckled quietly to himself, before reading the password out load, making the stonewall create a door for him.

The common room looked just like before: snakes and green everywhere. Potter suppressed the urge to gag.

Now, Snape's room... If he remembered correctly it should be up this passage. After looking into four different rooms he found the right one, only to find it empty.

'That's odd,' he thought, 'he was here just a moment ago... '

He took out the map one more time and looked for Severus Snape's dot. He founded it almost right next to his own. Potter looked up one more time to see a door to his left between two of the beds. He was pretty sure he'd never seen that door before.

He walked up to it and pulled the handle. Looked. Pulling out his wand he muttered a simple unlocking spell, surprised to hear the lock click. Slowly he pushed the door open. The first thing he heard was a voice.

"...in the mirror I don't like what I see I'm not the person I'd hoped I would be Always feels like people are laughing at me..."

It was a bathroom. His eyes fell on the toilet in front of him, then on the sink next to it and lastly on the tub against the right wall. He did a sharp intake of breath. He had found his victim; lying in the half filled tub, fully clothed and with a razor in his hand. He was leaning his head against the side of the tub, with his eyes closed. James took one step towards the scene; his breathing became quicker and quicker. The water around Severus' body was dyed pink, doing the same to his previously white shirt. One sleeve had been rolled up, revealing a scarred and wounded arm.

"Alone again with just my song Alone again, which is right where I belong What good is it to fight it? Just accept it and amen, it's like every other time..."

Snape stopped and opened his eyes to put the razor against this arm. James threw the cloak off of him.

As if nothing had happened, Severus dug the blade into his skin pulling it over a piece of scar less skin. A look of pleasure showed itself on his face.

"I always wondered how you got around it night." His voice was dead. It sent shivers down James' back.

"What..? What are you doing?"

Severus lifted his eyes to meet the others. Even they were dead.

''Please, don't act so surprised."

James stood wide-eyed, trying to comprehend what was going on.

"Don't tell me..." Snape's voice had a hint of curiosity. "You didn't know."

James shook his head slowly.

"Hm. I thought it was common knowledge... "Severus leaned back and closed his eyes again. The blood from his arm ran down the side of the tub into the water.

"Why...?"

Severus gave a faint laugh. ''... why... I wonder..." He lifted his eyes to the ceiling. "I wonder if it could have anything to do with the brutal bullying I've endured for 6 and a half year... It's the only thing I can think of really..."

"I had no idea..." Snape's eyes went from lifeless to dangerous in a split second.

"You had no idea?!" His voice woke as well. "How did you think I would feel after 6 years of constant taunting, every day reminded of how ugly I am, of how stupid and worthless I am!" He sat up now, shooting the other an ice cold glare. "6 years of constant mental AND physical torture!" Potter snapped out of the shock.

"It's not like you're a victim! You've given back just as much as we've given you."

Severus' eyes grew cold again. "James," he shocked the other when his name rolled over his tongue, "think for a moment, will you. Have I ever snuck into your dormitory?"

"No…"

"Have I ever hexed you unprovoked?"

"..."

"And... when was the last time I did anything to you?"

James thought for a moment. Snape had never been in their chambers. But he must have hexed him first sometime, right...? But... now that he thought about it, Snape hadn't given much back all year... "I have tried about everything to get you off my back. I've tried hiding, sneaking, giving back and ignoring." He stepped out of the tub, water running off his body. "But since nothing worked, I thought; 'fuck it'.

He put the razor down into an open box on the sink, closed it and put it away into the cabinet over the sink. Then he took a piece of paper and placed it against the wound and walked past James into the bedroom.

"I... I swear, I didn't know..."

"It doesn't matter..." mumbled Snape back.

''What do you mean; 'it doesn't matter'? You're hurting, and... it's my fault..." The last bit is he barely whispered. Snape suddenly laughed. "Never thought I'd hear those words from you!"

"I'm not heartless! "James grew angry.

"Really?" Snape turned to him. "You've done a good job trying to convince me otherwise!

''Well it's your fault for..."

"For what?" Snape raised an eyebrow. "For existing?"

"No..."

"Then, what!? What have I done that is so wrong I have to be this severely punished for it!?" Severus turned away as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He had asked himself this question countless times without being able to answer it. James stepped closer and put his hand awkwardly on the other's shoulder. Immediately Severus pulled away.

"Don't touch me!" One tear fell from his eye. "Don't you dare pretend you care!" The fire was back in his eyes. "Don't you dare!"

"I... I didn't think... that you'd feel this way..."

Severus stood silent.

"... I'm sorry..." James whispered.

"Just leave." Severus' voice cracked. "Leave me alone..."

"I can't leave you now!" the other exclaimed.

Snape gave a laugh. "Of course..."

"I don't know what to say."

"Then don't!"

Silence fell in the room. Severus walked up to his bed and pulled out some dry clothes from his trunk, and placed them on the bed. "Are you going to stand there all day?" He didn't turn around to look at the other while he spoke. James opened his mouth, but couldn't figure out what to say. He tried one more time, determined to stay.

"Why haven't you said anything?"

"Oh, yes. That would go down well; 'Oh, please, sirs! Stop this nonsense, it makes me so awfully sad!'" This time he turned around with a raised eyebrow. "I hardly believe it would make any difference."

Neither did James.

"I am sorry, Snape." He hung his head slightly. "It will end now."

"Do you really think so? What do you think Black will say when you tell him his favorite toy is no longer to play with?"

Black. James had forgotten about him. Snape was right. Sirius was never going to let him live it down.

Snape chucked. "See? It won't stop."

James couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it. Now when he thought about it, he could see it; how the other boy had slowly wasted away before his eyes.

''I'm sorry..."

"Spare me," he snapped back.

''Then what do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything?" Severus roared. "I want you out of my room! I want you and your fucking friends out of my life!" He looked like he was about to lash out. For some reason James felt his chest ache.

"I just want to help!"

''Feeling guilty?"

James felt his blood begin to boil. "Why won't you listen?!"

"I will start to listen when you start making sense!"

"You are..." James was at a loss. "Fine! Be miserable! I don't care!"

He threw the cloak over his head and stormed out of the room.

Not even caring he ran over a poor third year, who look very surprised to be knocked over by an invisible object, he ran out of there.

He muttered curses and swearwords all the way up to the tower, and didn't stop until he walked into his own room and threw the cloak on the bed.

''And you've been... where?" came a voice from the bed next to his.

"Nowhere!" James snapped. Remus hadn't even lifted his eyes from the book he had in his lap.

''Nowhere, being the dungeons?"

"If you know where I've been, why do you ask?" He was irritated enough as it was.

"What have you done, James?"

"I haven't done anything!" This time Lupin looked up. He looked the other boy up and down with a puzzled look, in silence. Suddenly the door flew open.

"Pongs! My mate!" Black threw his arms around Potter's shoulder. ''Tell me! How did it go?"

"I… didn't do it..."

Black's grin disappeared. "...why?"

''I couldn't get in." He turned away and started to fold the cloak. "The password was wrong." He tucked the cloak away.

"Are you sure? I got it from a reliable source..."

"Yes, I'm sure." Lupin still said nothing. "I'm tired. Let's just go to sleep."

"Yeah… you're right. I'm exhausted; Slughorn made me scrub cauldrons forever." He started to undress. "We'll try again next week, 'kay?"

"Yeah..."

Sleep came late for James.

Sirius fell asleep first. Peter had snuck in later, where he'd been all day James had no idea. When Peter had fallen asleep Remus whispered: ''It wasn't the wrong password, was it?"

Once again James cursed Remus' sharpness, Remus knew James was awake, but James refused to answer. After a while he heard Remus' breathing go deeper as well. Only now did James let sleep take him.

James was still bothered when he woke up. He hardly said anything from the moment he woke up to the moment he walked through the doors to the Great Hall.

To be completely fair, he didn't say much when he walked through them either. Actually, the whole hall was almost quiet. The only sounds were people mumbling and whispering. Very unlike the usual mornings, when, even though people were tired, people talked loudly, laughed and plates and forks scraped together.

But today, there was a heavy atmosphere.

They walked up to the Gryffindor table where Evans, Longbottom and Weasley sat.

"What is going on?" Remus asked.

"I have no idea." Longbottom said. "There is something happening at the Slytherin table."

"Sophie went over to ask some of her Slytherin friends." They all looked over to the Slytherins to see her talking to a boy in a Slytherin tie. The boy said something to her which made her look back at Lily, before walking back to them.

''Here she comes!" Evans said.

Sofie wore a grave expression.

"What is it?"

"Something's happened... Tonight…" She drew a breath and put her hand on Evan's shoulder.

"It's Severus Snape..."

James felt his heart drop.

* * *

The End


End file.
